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Thank you for your open letter to INCIID about your IVF Journey of hope. We appreciate sharing one of life's most difficult undertakings with others in order that they too may see some light at the end of the fertility tunnel. If you know someone struggling or want to help INCIID reach more couples, please email us.
When I heard couples discussing their attempts at pregnancy and IVF, I said, with contempt in my voice,, “Why don’t you just adopt.” Yes, I was one of “those people”.
I was adopted, and it worked out fine for my parents and me. I believed that people choosing IVF were self-centered and arrogant about the necessity to pass on their genes to offspring. I admit I took the attempts to create a family through treatment personally—as if people who choose IVF were somehow disparaging or devaluing my non-biological relationship to my parents and sister.
As a young woman I learned about fertility with a surprise pregnancy at twenty-three. My first pregnancy experience came when I had unprotected sex on day 10 of my cycle, after coming off birth control pills. The condom we used failed and I became pregnant. My pregnancy was complication-free. We planned to have a second child but ultimately our relationship ended.
I did not worry about conceiving another child because my first pregnancy was easy to conceive and carry. I was in no hurry waiting for “Mr. Right” so together we could expand our family.
First, no matter how much it the guys think it is, women always have a more difficult path. But for a man, there is still real difficulty. Because man will never carry a pregnancy, there is somewhat of a separation between the male perspective and the female perspective on infertility. With that in mind, let me share a little bit of my side of the struggle with infertility. About six months to a year after we married, my wife and I began the process of building our family. After a year we started asking questions as to why we had not yet gotten pregnant.
My dearest Leon, the Journey for you was a long one and a short one all at the same time. This journal I’m writing is a little different than the one I wrote for the Penguins, the embryo we adopted, and the triplets because you are the child that we get to hold in our arms every day and love on you and kiss you every day. I cannot picture any other child in our life and any other child to call us Momma and Dada. However, it was quite the journey to get you. Dada and I first talked about adoption when we were engage. We talked about how we want someday to adopted along with have children of our own but was not sure how long it would be or how we would adopted.